Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you, and what kind of work do you do? 

I am a physician who is currently finishing my fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility. Before starting my journey to work with patients facing infertility, I completed a 4-year residency in obstetrics and gynecology. In training, most of our time was spent on labor and delivery, bringing babies into this world, and supporting patients in their transition into motherhood. I’m also a mom of two!

What motivated you to get into this work?

I’ve always had a passion to support parents while either planning for a future family or building their current one. It is such a sensitive time for everyone and is usually overlooked as “just another phase of life that happens when it happens.” But it’s not, especially when you feel like you’re failing at something society just expects you to do, i.e., having a baby. But getting pregnant is just the beginning of a long journey where other people continue to have expectations about how your journey should be. 

This is a lot like infant feeding. No one prepares you for how stressful feeding your baby can be, especially in the first year of life when they are so dependent on either breastmilk or formula for nourishment.  My goal as a reproductive endocrinologist is to support patients throughout their journey, from thinking about childbearing to making it happen and helping them feel confident throughout their entire experience.

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What beliefs did you have about feeding before you had your baby? 

Before I had my baby, in my mind, feeding them seemed like it would be easy. “Just breastfeed, and everything will be fine,” I thought. I imagined that my baby would just be born knowing how to nurse, and it would just become a part of our routine. But that was totally the opposite of what I experienced. My baby really struggled with nursing and would cry every time I tried. It felt like he hated it and anyone that was visiting would shame me for making him “suffer” through my learning how to nurse him. It completely changed my perspective about feeding being natural and easy.

What kind of training did you have in supporting infant feeding? 

I felt like, as an OB/GYN, people expected me to be trained in infant feeding because I was constantly counseling patients on the benefits of breastfeeding and encouraging them to try. With that being said, I barely had any professional support when it actually came to feeding my own baby. 

What was your feeding experience like with your first baby? 

I remember the lactation consultant hurrying into my room a few hours after my son was born, and she told me, “he will get the hang of it; just keep trying.” I wasn’t offered any other options, and when there was finally medical concern expressed about his weight, I was the one who felt like I had failed. 

Luckily I have a very supportive mom who was able to help me learn how to nurse once I got home, but in the mix between being encouraged to pump and then nursing, I was all of a sudden doing triple feeds for the baby and ended up being an oversupplier. You would think that is a good thing, but it led to so much pain and discomfort for the entire year I chose to offer my son breastmilk. 

Was your experience any different when you had your second baby? 

When I got pregnant with my second, I promised myself to do what was best for my mental health and discontinue nursing if I ever started to feel overwhelmed. Luckily, I felt like I knew what I was doing the second time around, but I also had some PTSD from the entire experience with my son. 

I was able to nurse her directly for 3 months and then transitioned to pumping. However, when she was 6 months old, I made the decision to wean my pumping sessions because it was just getting too stressful and time-consuming to manage a toddler, a baby, and all that comes with pumping. That’s when I learned about Bobbie from my sister, and it really changed my life and took the guilt of not offering her breastmilk for a full year.

Were you confident in your knowledge of infant feeding going into parenting? 

I would say I was confident until I tried because that’s what everyone expected of me as a physician. But as a mother, I was totally lost.

How did your care team support you in that experience? Did you find clinicians who supported you? How do you think the care could have been improved? 

I would have been in the dark without my mom and sister. Luckily, my mom had helped so many of my family members and friends during the newborn phase, and she instilled the confidence I needed during that time. She also did it in a way that lifted the pressure of nursing off of my shoulders. She would sing soothing songs if the baby was crying and keep me distracted when I was frustrated. She would also recognize when I needed a break from it all and would send my husband and me out for some time together to reset while she cared for my son.

I had such a negative experience with the first lactation consultant I met that I didn’t want to talk to any other ones during my journey. My brother is an OB/GYN as well, and he offered many times to connect me with some experts that I didn’t work with directly as a provider myself, but I just felt so unsupported and judged that I wasn’t ready to open up.

After having your own feeding experience, how has this impacted the way you work with patients around infant feeding? 

I definitely spend more time talking to patients about their options and about the pros and cons of all feeding options. I talk to them about expectations for themselves and set goals early in pregnancy so they have time to think about what would make them happy instead of worrying about what is right or wrong because there is no such thing when it comes to feeding your infant.  


As a clinician, what is the biggest takeaway from your feeding experience? 

My biggest takeaway is encouraging mothers to do what is right for their bodies. If nursing feels right for you, then you go for it. I try to set this person up with all the support they need to be successful. But if you find yourself stressed or really struggling with mental health, that is something that should be explored in terms of how feeding is impacting that. If nursing isn’t right for you, find a formula that you trust and that makes you feel like you are giving your baby quality nutrition. Everyone will be happy at the end of the day!

Nirali is a reproductive endocrinology fellow at NYU Fertility Center. Before that, she completed an OB/GYN residency at Weill Cornell Medical Center. Most importantly, she is a mother of two.

If you would like to share your feeding journey, reach out to medical@hibobbie.com